Will you choose love?

“when fear starts to just feel silly"

A young person asked me if life gets easier as you get older. I could feel their uncertainty and anxiousness centered deep in their question. I smiled briefly and looked down at my glass. I remember thinking when you get older, life gets easier and everything smooths out. That suddenly somehow you’ve paid your dues and overnight clarity, peace, and a feeling of confidence settles in to stay.

I looked up and smiled again. “As you get older, you just add more tools to your toolbox to help you through the tough times.” She seemed amused at best, I wish I had a better answer for her. As you get older, life seems to slow down to a pace in which you finally get a chance to see it for what it truly is. You get an opportunity to decide who you want to be, and whether that means growth and expansion or just more of the same. Windows seem to open up that provide you with opportunities to reexamine past beliefs, behaviors, and ideologies.

This morning something came to the surface that I had thought I had worked through years ago. Out of nowhere the emotions that used to be common occurrence showed up as if decades hadn’t passed and it was just another day. When I was younger and they came, I would be held hostage, taken by force and left used up for days. Their presence would send me in a tailspin and I would relive past traumas for days. This morning caught me off guard, it blindsided me in a place I’d never imagine it to show. Years past their shelf life, they left me sad but more curious than anything else. “Why here? Why now?”

I don’t know why they showed up this morning. I may never know. I do know that they haven’t crippled me or even sent me in a tailspin. The memories they used to trigger seem distant and non relevant at best. I cried gently in the moment as the storm seemed to pass swiftly and not settle in. I’m grateful I still feel balanced and strong while it’s still early in the day. Maybe life does get easier as we get older. Maybe with all our experiences we do get a little bit wiser. Maybe leading with an open heart leads you to a place you’ve always wanted to be. Maybe just maybe, when we do the work, life opens up and we start to realize it’s always been about choosing love over fear.