Forever & Wifey
Judy Blume does it again
It was a dark gray day in the store, yet somehow remarkably warm. I had adorned linen pants, flip flops, and a heavy, super soft turtleneck sweater. This is what makes me feel most like myself and provides the very best comfort throughout the day. The ability to cover my face in challenging conversations with huge emotional impact and freedom for my feet to feel cool and untethered is my super power. It’s like I take my styling cues straight from a Judy Blume book, a young girl in hiding who so desperately wants to be heard.
It was a heady day of personal stories, friends and people I know coping with incredible loss and tragedies seemingly with no way out other than straight through until they reach the end. I stood still and listened, witnessed their pain, grief, and fear and stood tall in mountain pose. I wanted to offer a presence fully engaged and open to learning what it must be like to walk in their shoes if only for a step or two. Somewhere late in the afternoon I was met with familiar faces from the past in two separate visits. Writing this now it almost couldn’t have been better planned if I had tried to do it myself. We had all been impacted by the same tragedy just decades apart. Each of us survivors of a faceless infliction that leaves you with more questions than answers were forced to move forward with no road map. We’ve endured a loss that spreads heaviness, shame, and guilt to all who are connected to it, even in the smallest way.
In the moments I came face to face with these individuals who knew the tradgedy like I did, I gently pulled my turtleneck over my mouth and allowed my breathing to guide me through the conversation safely and with compassion. I purposefully spoke less and listened more. I have felt the same feelings and cried the same tears. I wanted to scoop them all up and dilute them into a more solvent solution for us all.
When I finally closed the store and made my way home to the puppies I plopped my laptop bag on the chair in my writing room and quieted down Harry and Ruby with lots of attention, food, and alternating trips to the back yard. I remembered that one of my favorite customers had departed the store urging me to watch, Judy Blume, A Documentary. I fell back onto the couch still exhausted from driving thousands of miles just days ago and texted George. He was away for the night and the house seemed empty without him. I called my sister to tell her about the Judy Blume documentary, we like to share things to watch. We ended up watching it in unison just states apart, both alone in our homes with space to fill.
I had forgotten how many Judy Blume books had filled my awkward years growing up. Title after title mentioned received a head nod and gentle smile. Super Fudge, Deena, Dear God, Are You There? It’s Me Margaret, and yes, Forever. I’ll admit over the years I had jumbled the last two books into one, both being my first outside voices of coming to age and sexuality. There were so many other titles read over the years and now I realize that both Judy Blume and Beverly Clearly have shaped a large part of my world within.
As I pulled my legs up beneath me on the couch and covered up with the heavy afghan my mom had knit, Harry jumped up beside me and curled up into a ball, Ruby retired to the dog bed in her office. I was thankful for Harry’s company. Judy’s life and career as a writer unfolded before me. As a child I was unaware of the voice beyond the pages of the book I held between my hands. As a young reader I was captivated by a secret world that belonged only to me in the moments, my eyes were transfixed to the text before me. As an adult learning about Judy Blume’s personal story, struggles, and inner strength I was moved and inspired to jump back into my own story and begin writing more feverishly.
Yesterday reminded me that things like cancer, suicide, abuse, and loss are all very much apart of our world and the lives we live. Yesterday taught me that in spite of the heaviness that weighs down on us, wonderful relief arrives with simple connections forged by a willingness to be transparent and honest with ourselves and others. When we step outside of the fear of worrying about what others may think and into the energy of being the best we can be in the moment, we transmute the heaviest energies and feelings into a pill that we can not only swallow but also allow it to make us feel better.
Forever, Judy Blume’s book about two teenagers falling in love and experiencing sex for the first time was a breakthrough moment for me. It was my first glimpse into the knowing that intimacy was never meant to be a punishment, threat, or something to make you feel ugly and shameful. It was a seed, a gift, that at the time I wasn’t aware that it had been planted. Writers like Judy have offered millions of people like me a path forward when the world was crashing down around my life and everyone in it. Writers like Judy have served as lighthouses for those seeking a way out of the storms and into calm waters.
I woke up this morning to a text from my sister, “I had no idea Judy Blume was so progressive and wrote with so much purpose. I just remember seeing her books all over the house.”
She said it was time for her to read a few of them. I suggested starting with Forever and Wifey. She responded with, “you’re funny.”
I had forgotten how much her books had impacted me and pulled me through challenging times growing up. I had forgotten the part they played in my childhood and adolescence.
Thank you Judy Blume for showing up for so many of us for so many years!
